Today is the day where we buried a loved one in Lathrop. Ironically, today is also Mental Health Day. I still can’t believe that this has hit close to home, on Sunday I attended his viewing, it was something so bittersweet to see everyone coming together, but a death of a loved one is not the way everyone should reunite…Life is too precious, showing love to friends and family is much needed now more than ever. I know you were close with my brother…Growing up, it was only him and I, and I’m glad that he’s met you and you have been such a great impact on his life. I know how hard you fought, I know how hard my brother tried to help, I know how hard he tried to save you. Even though we were not close, you were always there whenever I made my visit to see the Godchildren in Tracy. You joked with me a few times about the designs I made for their parties and how they were not printed on time. Pouring and taking shots of Hennessy is how I’ll remember you the most.. You always asked me how I was doing, and I appreciated that… Everyone is going to miss you so dearly. We wish there was something we could have done to prevent this… But we know that this was something you have been fighting for a while, and it did get the best of you. But some how, I hope you have found your peace. And I hope that you have left the world knowing that were you loved. You were loved so so much Neil… You will still be loved till the end of time. Your life did matter, it mattered to so much of us, especially to my brother, sister, and godson… I know they will hurt for a long time and they will still question themselves asking “Why..” But with time, comes the healing process. 

I hope you rest well in paradise Neil.

You never know who is suffering their inner battles because they are so good of keeping a front. I feel like nowadays, where we are in this society, it’s hard to really dive deep into other people’s emotions and feelings because we have become so guarded or keep most to ourselves. With society now, we are expected to live up to the “YOLO” aspect or we see how other people are doing on social media with that “FOMO” or “I should’ve done better” type of thought. The thoughts of “I wish I was a different person…” “I wish I could be better” “I don’t deserve to be here…” “I hate myself for all the wrongs that I’ve done” “I’m a failure” etc will always drag you down no matter what. Think about the family and friends who love you… With every darkness, there is a light. Just have to keep fighting and pushing towards it no matter how much pain you are going through. Stay strong, life is a precious gift that God and our parents gave us..

I’m going to be honest, I’ve been down that road before, I’ve attempted more than once in my life time…My first time was when I was 12 and I thought I was a disappointment to my family and just wanted to end it because I failed them as a daughter/niece. At the age of 29 now, I’m still here fighting and trying to be the best that I can…I’m barely opening up about this… It takes a lot to fight your inner battles, your Demons. No one else knows what exactly you are going through except yourself. Think about the people who love you, the smiles you will miss, the smell of your favorite dish, the little things that give you happiness… Where there is hate, there is love.. Where there is negativity, there are your blessings that are the things positive in your life. Please think about that. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense of this, but I’m trying. Just remember, you are loved..

whatthemeesh:

I’ll never forget you, you will always be remembered because you took care of me. I love you soooo much Mama. You taught me everything that I need to know, I wish I had more time to learn from you. I can’t deal with this, but I know that God is good, and you’re in good hands. You’re up there with Mom, we have both of you to watch over us. You taught me to be strong, to be ladylike. I will always love you forever and ever. I love you Mama, I’ll see you later. <3

it kills me to realize it’s been 6 years now

hanorganaas:

widovvs:

fuck. the final fucktier. these are the fucks of the fuckship fuckterprise

gingerhaze:

THE CONFRONTATION

BUB